Friday, March 17, 2006

Chicks & Porn

What a great combo, huh? Chicken & Waffles, Chicks & Porn. Not quite the same flow, but still a good yet weird combo.

But chicks don't dig the porn like guys, unless you're dating a porn star and you're watching her video (damn that'd be hot as hell). But porn makes a great guide for chicks because you can show them what you want! “Uh, honey...pay special attention to this move” or, "see, no teeth!" Slow motion, pause and rewind will be your best friends.

So give a girl a DVD, but stay away from the hardcore stuff, that is, unless your special relationship has flowered up to that loving backdoor stage. Tell her what scene to pay attention to and then get rewarded with the real thing.

Another benefit of porn movies is their clever titles. Here are some of my favorites:
  1. Shindler's Fist – Wow. You may not want to try this, but it's an interesting flick.
  2. Your Ass in the Park - Artsy outdoor stuff.
  3. King Dong
  4. The Mighty *ucks - Uhm, replace the * with an 'F' to get the real title.
  5. The Dongfather
  6. The Dongfather II - Unlike The Godfather, this one has 9 installments...so far. Like The Godfather, the first 2 are the best.
  7. Sideways - This one came out before the Hollywood version. They also have Backwards, Upside Down and a few others.
  8. Tit-anic - Great flick with lots of, well, you know.
  9. Buff The Vampire Layer - Horror porn. Brilliant.
  10. Forrest Hump - More artsy outdoor stuff.
  11. Shaving Ryan's Privates – Don't worry, this is about a chick. You can pick up some great grooming habits from this one.
... and on, and on.

No comments: